A smell of rose lies in the air while washing my hands with soap at the airport. It is not a dream anymore we have arrived in India. What seemed unreachable and impossible for more than two years has become a reality again. We were allowed to travel to Bharata-varsa, the holy land. Enduring the times of separation from Sri Navadvipa- and Vrndavana-dhama we realize and appreciate much more the importance of doing parikrama and spending time in the holy dhama, as these places have an immense power, the dhama-prabhava, the influence of the dhama. Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura writes in his Navadvipa-dhama-mahatmya that one who resides in this Navadvipa-dhama is extremely fortunate. He attains loving attachment for Sri Krsna.

This journey began with Sri Navadvipa-dhama parikrama from 3rd till 9th of March 2022. As per tradition on the first day we did the sankalpa at the bank of the Ganges river and then proceeded to the first place to visit Sri Nandanacarya Bhavan, also known as the garden of Ishodyan, where Sri Sri Gaura-Nitai’s first meeting took place. Spending our first day in Sri Navadvipa-dhama the joy is immense coming back after this long time. The practices of bhakti, which at times require extra determination, being far away from India, in the Western countries, where most of the people are not inclined to the path of devotion, here in Navadvipa-dhama everything is so natural and easy as there never existed anything else than bhakti. Wherever the eyes look, there can be seen something, that connects with the divine, a beautiful temple, a devotee with tilaka and japa-mala, kirtan coming from some loudspeaker, shops who sell devotional articles and even if you go to a restaurant you will be served prasadam…

As we go from place to place and hear about Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and His dear associates we realize that this is the only and real connection, these are the exclusive topics in life to think and talk about. Mundane absorption distracts from the real goal, is tasteless and unfulfilling.

Srila Gurudeva said that actual parikrama means pada-sevanam. While performing parikrama we come to serve the servants of the servants of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. He mentioned that one should go on parikrama with loving devotees of the same mood, pranayi bhakata sange.

Srila Gurudeva made a wonderful point and told to develop some discrimination while hearing the different pastimes. As we will be moving around in Sri Navadvipa dhama we should consider, is this lila aisvarya or madhurya, audarya or madhurya, naimitika-lila or nitya-lila, prakat-lila or aprakat-lila, mantra-mayi-upasana or svarasika-mayi-upasana, prakash-bheda or abhiman-bheda, is the lila done by an avatar or avatari, the sources of all incarnations. Is the lila a balya-lila (childhood pastime) or a pauganda-lila (early boyhood pastime) and so on.

We tried to do some homework and concluded that Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu taking sannyasa is a naimitik-lila as it does not take place in the nitya-Navadvipa-dhama. Nimai Pandita disturbing the brahmanas, who are taking bath at the Ganges is a pauganda-lila and baby Nimai crying until the ladies start to chant the maha-mantra is a balya-lila. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu manifesting His Godhood during 21 hours is an aisvarya-lila. The loving exchange between Nimai and His mother Sacimata is pure madhurya-lila.

Knowing well, that the mercy of the Vaisnavas is the most essential element on this path of bhakti Srila Gurudeva recommended, that on this Navadvipa-dhama parikrama we should also try to make a relationship with all of our acaryas as we are visiting their samadhis and bhajan-kutirs.

We had darshan of the beautiful Gauranga Mahaprabhu at the temple of the Rudradvipa Gaudiya Math. When Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada did his nama-vrata, the vow of chanting three hundred thousand names every day during ten years he was sitting in front of this deity which later was established in this temple. We prayed for His blessings, that we may also be able to chant with such determination.

Srila Gurudeva mercifully had invited different devotees to speak Hari-katha during this parikrama in the various pastime places. By this he gave us the opportunity to absorb our mind in the aprakrta-vastu and not allow it to space out. It was really nice to hear how beautifully our dear godbrothers and godsisters can speak and witness how Srila Gurudeva is expanding in his surrendered disciples.

The importance of being one-pointed in our devotion has been emphasized not only at the house of Murari Gupta but also at Chandrasekhar Bhavan. There Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was performing a drama with His associates and presenting the mood of Rukmini it was shown how She had completely fixed Her sambandha with Sri Krsna. She expressed Her one-pointed attachment to Sri Krsna in Her letter to Him. In the same way Murari Gupta was not able to change his mood. Even though Mahaprabhu told him to worship Radha and Krsna He could never give up his Lords Sita-Rama. Srila Gurudeva explained that only by having such a one-pointed mood one will be able to experience rasa.

The supremely merciful Lords Sri Sri Gaura-Nitai are kind to the most fallen as in Navadvipa-dhama offenses are not considered. At Devananda Gaudiya math, on the island of Koladvipa, which is also known as the aparadha-bhanjana-pat, the place where all offenses are forgiven, we learned how Chaitanya Mahaprabhu has a heart even for those who have committed some offense towards his devotee. This is the astonishing nature of the mercy of Lord Gauranga Mahaprabhu. We can reflect and ask ourselves: Is our heart also that generous? Can we forgive? True followers of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu have a kind and forgiving nature.

As one is performing Navadvipa-dhama parikrama the first island to be visited is Antardvipa, the island of atma-nivedana, giving one’s soul. Having started to practice bhakti-yoga we understand that most persons are not able to directly offer their heart in the beginning. Therefore, two types of atma-nivedana are explained. The 9 islands of Navadvipa represent the 9 limbs of bhakti: sravanam (Simantadvipa), kirtanam (Godrumadvipa), smaranam (Madhyadvipa), pada-sevanam (Koladvipa), arcanam (Ritudvipa), vandanam (Jahnudvipa), dasyam (Modadrumadvipa), sakhyam (Rudradvipa) and atma-nivedanam (Antardvipa). At the beginning of parikrama during the first visit of Antardvipa it is understood that one has not developed yet the knowledge about one’s identity, so in this state, he will do deharpana-atma-nivedana, he will offer his body, mind and words. Now going on parikrama of the 9 islands, which means practicing the nine angas of bhakti the devotee will gain a more profound understanding about his identity and then coming again to Antardvipa the second time, at the end of parikrama, he will be able to do atmarpana-atma-nivedana, which means to offer himself with realization about his true identity (his svarupa). Srila Gurudeva explained that this complete surrender in one’s svarupa is of two types: bhava-vihina and bhava-vaisistya. Which means without a special relationship or with a special relationship. This special relationship is revealed to the surrendered disciple during the process of diksa.

Srila Prabhodananda Sarasvati Thakura says in his Navadivpa-satakam (verse 78):

aradhitam nava-vanam vraja-kananam te

naradhitam nava-vanam vraja eva dure

aradhito dvija-suto vraja-nagaras te

naradhito dvija-suto na taveha krsnah

"If you worship the nine islands of Navadvipa, you are actually worshiping Vrndavana and can easily gain entrance into that confidential place. If you don't worship and take shelter of Navadvipa-dhama, Vrndavana will be very far away from you. If someone will worship dvija-suta (Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu), the son of the brahmana Jagannatha Misra, that person will attain vraja-nagara Sri Krsna in Vrndavana. If one worships Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, who is actually Krsna Himself, in Navadvipa, one is performing complete worship of Krsna. Worshiping Sacinanadana Gaurahari in Navadvipa is as good as worshiping Krsna in Vrndavana. If one does not worship dvija-suta Gaurahari, Lord Krsna will be very far away."

With this hope to really attain Sri Vrndavana-dhama, not only by external means but by state of consciousness, on the 10th of March the group was transferred to Calcutta airport by bus to fly to Delhi and finally reach Sri Vrndavana-dhama.

Having the first darshan of Their Lordships, Sri Sri Radha Syamasundara and Gauranga Mahaprabhu at Ananda Dhama Ashrama, it seemed even to this spiritually blind and ignorant person, that somehow Thakurji had a welcoming smile on Their face and were happy to again meet all the devotees after this long separation.

Besides of Sri Vrnda Devi and Sri Giriraja Govardhan the third personality, who’s worship is most favourable on the path of raganuga-bhakti is Sri Yamuna Devi. With this understanding, having arrived in Vrndavana, we attended the beautiful arati of Sri Yamuna Devi performed at Keshi ghat.

Since the famous Holi festival was approaching, at one point during the puja, the joy of some persons attending could not be contained any longer and people just started dancing happily to the rhythms of live performed Holi songs. This Yamuna arati is offered with great opulence with huge ghee lamps and knowing that in Vrndavana no mood of aisvarya is present the sophisticated worship is rather an expression of deep attachment to Sri Yamuna Devi as this puja is done not only once in a while but every day since years. It was very inspiring to see how many persons are involved in various services to make this beautiful puja happen every day.

Srila Gurudeva took us to various temple darshans on different occasions like the famous Radha Damodara temple, where Srila A. C. Bhaktivedanta Svami Maharaja prepared himself before going to the Western world and where also his guru-maharaja appeared before him giving the instruction to now leave to preach in the West.

Srimati Radharani had a dream and saw one golden beautiful personality dancing to the rhythms of mridangas and karatals at the bank of one river, which was not the Yamuna. Waking up in the morning She felt somewhat ashamed that She had developed loving attraction for this person. She was also not able to distinguish whether this person was Herself or Krsna. Sharing Her dream with Sri Krsna He revealed His upcoming appearance as Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, where He would come to know Her heart. This pastime took place in the secret kunjas of Nidhuvan, where Srila Gurudeva took us on an evening parikrama.

Because there was a big movement of visitors in Vrndavana for the Holi festival and moving around became a little difficult, also if one did not want to become coloured by artificial colour, we stayed mainly at the ashram during the time before Holi. Srila Gurudeva gave us the opportunity to absorb in japa and Hari katha, which was a nice balanced schedule after moving around every day in Navadvipa-dhama. We had two classes every day with chanting japa together every morning after mangala-arati followed by question and answer session. These istha-gosthis are so beneficial as many different topics come up and all who hear can benefit by the clear explanations.

The importance of daily concentrated japa Srila Gurudeva teaches us again and again and he also mentioned one more time that without this colossal struggle of going through anartha-nivritti no one will attain the eternal service of Sri Sri Radha-Krsna. He mentioned that without the mercy of Sri Guru no one will be able to give up his ahankara, false ego. Further he said that one who is able to feel genuine repentance for all his mistakes and deficiencies has been touched by grace, as the grace follows those, who are capable of genuinely feel regret.

Srimati Radharani has declared that Sri Giriraja Govardhan is Hari-dasa-varya, the best servant of Lord Hari. He serves with his entire body, providing fresh water, juicy green grass for Krsnas cows, all types of fruits and roots, trees which give shade, jewelled thrones, beautiful caves, etc.

This best servant we honoured by circumambulation and ended this parikrama with a purifying bath in Sri Syama-kunda and Radha-kunda after honouring a delicious maha-prasadam feast where sweet kheer was not missing.

The following day we have seen devotees walking somewhat different as their bodies reached the limits walking in intense heat at high speed for more than 20 kilometres. Surely Giriraja Maharaja is aware of this sacrifice.

We celebrated the divine disappearance day of Srila Madhavendra Puri on 15th March. After narrating how Srila Madhavendra Puri discovered the famous deity of Gopal at Govardhan, now known as Sri Nataji and worshiped by the Vallabha sampradaya, Srila Gurudeva explained a famous verse spoken by Srimati Radharani, in which She expresses a deep mood of separation. After Sri Krsna had left for Mathura, Radharani is in a completely hopeless mood full of regret:

ayi dina-dayardra natha he

mathura-natha kadavalokyase

hrdayam tvad-aloka-kataram

dayita bhramyati kim karomy aham

CC Madhya 4.197

“O My Lord! O most merciful master! O master of Mathurā! When shall I see You again? Because of My not seeing You, My agitated heart has become unsteady. O most beloved one, what shall I do now?”

Only Radharani, Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, in the mood of Radharani and Srila Madhavendra Puri are able to understand the depth of this verse. Therefore, it is said that Srila Madhavendra Puri was the first acarya to establish the concept of the kevala-madhurya-mayi-upasana, which until that time was unknown amongst the practitioners of bhakti. They used to worship Sri Gopal in Udupi but in an opulent mood.

Being afflicted by the three modes of material nature for a conditioned soul it is somewhat difficult to assimilate and understand such emotions, which Srimati Radharani goes through when She utters this verse, as these are supremely transcendental feelings.

At the beginning of Sri Navadvipa-parikrama Srila Gurudeva mentioned that we should deliberate on the astonishing mercy of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. He is ready to give the highest love to the most fallen and unqualified persons. And that is this mood of love in separation expressed in this verse.

Srila Gurudeva has kindly arranged that Sri Acyuta Lal Bhatta Gosvami came to Ananda Dhama Ashram to speak daily Hari-katha on Srila Rupa Gosvamis most sublime text, Sri Dana-keli-kaumudi. Srila Gurudeva once mentioned that the fruit of parikrama is receiving the opportunity for sadhu-sanga. Dana-keli-kaumudi was written by Srila Rupa Gosvami in order to cheer up Srila Raghunatha das Gosvami, who was in a very critical condition after reading Srila Rupa Gosvamis Lalita Madhava, where Srimati Radharani experiences intense separation from Krsna who has left for Mathura.

Every morning we got a glimpse into this high and confidential display of the pure and immaculate love between Sri Radha-Krsna and Their intimate associates. This prema is hidden in the heart and never expressed openly.

Like this Sri Krsna takes up the role as a tax collector and requests Srimati Radharani and the gopis to pay for the valuable goods which They are carrying for Sri Baguri rishi, but in reality He is simply trying to arrange a meeting with Radharani. How sublime are these dialogues where every phrase is not to be taken literally but has a hidden meaning, a dvani. A person who can see these lilas in his samadhi can reveal the secret meanings to the listener who has a solid understanding of the tattvas and a heart which is free from selfish desires.

Before we started to go on this journey of listening these pastimes Srila Gurudeva took us to the samadhi of Srila Rupa Gosvami so that we may seek his blessings to understand something of his wonderful poetry, which is a one act play and written, that it can be performed also on the stage.

On Holi, we did not hear only about the glories of the Holi-lila but also saw it manifesting before our eyes as a drama. And when one becomes so absorbed in the lila all of a sudden, he finds himself in the lila. Really, it seemed, that Srila Gurudeva out of his kindness wanted to give us a small glimpse into this sweet pastime. Everyone was throwing flower petals; a sweet battle had begun where also water syringe weapons were used and a divine atmosphere descended.

We celebrated Gaura Purnima and heard about the wonderful glories of this most merciful golden avatara. In one class Srila Gurudeva also revealed Lord Gauranga Mahaprabhu’s deep inner moods, which He experienced towards the end of His manifest pastimes. Having lost the vision of Sri Krsna He says now I have left My body and home out of lamentation and I took up the religious path of an extreme renunciate, a kapalika yogi. Because of the great desire to taste the sweetness of the Lord, now My mind has given up all social and Vedic religious principles and has taken to the profession of begging like a mystic yogi. This yogi of My mind carries a bowl of aspirations in his hands and a bag of expectations on his shoulders. The yogi of My mind wears a thorn quilt of anxiety, 12 bangles of distress and a turban of greed. The great yogi of My mind always studies the poetry and discussions of Lord Krsnas pastimes in Vrndavana.

In this way we heard how Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was in a total state of trance, hankering for the direct experience of Sri Krsnas sweetness, which He had lost, being in the mood of Srimati Radharani.

On this auspicious day of the appearance of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu many devotees were blessed to receive either guru-pada-asraya, harinama or diksa and also entered into the brahmacarya-ashrama. The initiations were finalized by a Vedic fire sacrifice, where also deities were installed. Srila Gurudeva named the deities Sri Sri Radha Govinda and said to have given Them this name so we may never forget that we are followers of Srila Rupa Gosvami.

Towards the end of the retreat we went for parikrama to Varsana. It seems that Srimati Radharani was very pleased with our visit to Her childhood pastime place as one of Her dear devotees, Sri Vinod Baba just happened to walk by on his daily parikrama of Varsana when our bus arrived. What a wonderful welcome! Loving glances have been exchanged between Sri Vinod Baba and Srila Gurudeva. In the evening time after parikrama we attended the kirtan at Sri Vinod Baba’s bhajan-kutir. Here one could learn what it really means to cry out for Krsna as their kirtanas are saturated with a sincere calling out from the heart. For hours and hours, one would want to stay there and absorb this pure energy.

The atmosphere in Varsana was so pleasant and Srila Gurudeva mentioned how happy Srimati Radharani is during Her childhood pastimes in Varsana. She does not have the kind of sorrows which she experiences later after moving to her mother in law in Yavat. And every year Srimati Radharani comes back to Varsana for one month during the rainy season. During this time, She is again free like in Her childhood. When She sits on the swing She cries hot tears of sorrow and cold tears of joy. Here in Varsana the beautiful swing pastime takes place and Lord Brahma, this important person, being the creator of the universe offers his eternal pranama to this divine abode by becoming the four peaks of Varsana.

On the Appearance day of Srivasa Thakura, on 25th March, Srila Gurudeva glorified Srivasa Thakura in many ways and also spoke about the pastime of Srivasa Thakuras son dying. How he told his wife and the other members of the family to not disturb Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhus kirtan by their lamentation. One who is afflicted by lamentation, anger, etc. cannot have a vision of Sri Krsna in the heart. Srila Gurudeva mentioned the importance of becoming free from rajasic and tamasic influences in order to realize Radha and Krsna. Therefore, this lila is called shoka vinasana-lila, the pastime which destroys all lamentation. The lamentation which arises due to attachment to the material body.

In his Hari-katha Srila Gurudeva gave so many wonderful inputs for reflection by presenting Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Praphupadas Prakrta-Rasa-Sata-Dusani, 100 condemnations of the material rasa, and the analysis of Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura about Sri Krsnas killing of the demons, which He only does in the prakat-lila. Very interestingly some demons Krsna kills before the rasa-lila and others after the rasa-lila. As every demon represents one anti-godly tendency within ourselves it is understood, that in order to be qualified to hear about the rasa-lila the demons, which Krsna kills before the rasa-lila must be eradicated in our hearts, otherwise this topic will not be assimilated in the correct way.

Srila Gurudeva gave plenty of material for self-reflection, that we should take a decision whether we want to be a pretending devotee, svakuhaka, deceiving ourselves and others or if we want to be an actual devotee, a bonafide disciple, sat-sisya. Often devotees twist the philosophy to fulfil their own agendas he said. Persons create their own God in the mind, which is not really God but rather an idol, but thinking to be spiritual they simply worship a self-created God. We were warned of not falling into the trap of idol worship but search out sincerely for the real God.

As God Himself and His pure devotees are both transcendental and non-different it is understood that this same principle is also applicable to Sri Guru. A pretending disciple who does not really want to surrender can create an idol of Sri Guru and worship the imaginary Guru.

Because the conditioned souls are weak and always seek out for someone to fill up their emptiness Sri Guru is often misused for this purpose and a disciple, even though thinking to be serving his Guru, is actually only using him as an expansion to fill up the emptiness inside under the covering of doing service. No one can escape the fact of having to take up responsibility for his spiritual progress. It is not possible to delegate this endeavour to Sri Guru or any other stronger devotee. Yes, Srila Gurudeva is kind and merciful and he is the captain of our ship but the endeavour to put up the sails and pray for good winds is entirely with us. If we don’t take this decision and have determination our ship cannot sail gracefully in the ocean of prema.

On this journey towards pure, unconditional love one has to definitely take off the rainbow coloured spectacles. At every moment one has to be alert and awake as the illusory energy is extremely powerful and we may see how others are cheating but we are not able to see how we are deceiving ourselves.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada said that the biggest crimes happen in religious institutions.

Srila Gurudeva urged in his final lecture on these topics, that only in genuine sadhu-sanga one will be able to transform one’s character to that of a real saint.

Before leaving to our respective countries Srila Gurudeva told: “Your atma should always stay in Vrndavana, only your body will leave. At heart, be always in Vrndavana.” He said that now we have collected some treasures in our hearts and we should go and share them with others so that they may also feel inspired to come to Vrndavana. He further said that every time we come for parikrama our experience will be different and new realizations we can make.

Much more could be said. Just want to say thank you very much dear Srila Gurudeva. And also special thanks to our dear Gurumata, who behind the scenes is managing everything, all the accommodations, transport, prasadam and caring for all the devotees so that Srila Gurudeva is free to absorb in Hari-katha.

During this long two years, where we could not perform parikrama, now and then some samskara, some beautiful memory of being in the dhama appeared in the heart and actually kept me alive. So, what would we be, if we cannot go on parikrama and visit the holy places. It is such an important anga of bhakti.

I pray, that all cheating and all demoniac ways may vanish from my heart and by your mercy I can become a true disciple.

Thank you dear Srila Gurudeva, dear Gurumata and all my dear godbrothers and godsisters.

Gaaaaaaauuuuuurangaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Aspiring to become a servant

Vrndavana Vilasini dasi